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The End of Trauma by George Bonanno
Erik Jahner, PhD
Erik Jahner, PhD

endoftraumaWhen faced with extreme adversity—like violent incidents or life-threatening situations—we often assume that trauma is inevitable and that PTSD will follow. We then may discuss trauma as a chronic and permanent condition: “I am a traumatized individual.” But how likely is it that we’ll actually develop PTSD? And what makes some people able to withstand such events more effectively than others? How often do we have the capacity to build resilience?

In The End of Trauma, internationally recognized psychologist George A. Bonanno challenges the conventional wisdom on trauma, offering a necessary change in how we discuss trauma, understand, and treat it. Especially in the aftermath of events like 9/11 and now the global pandemic, Bonanno argues that trauma isn’t as prevalent as we often believe, and that most people are surprisingly resilient when faced with life’s toughest challenges. This fresh perspective shifts the focus from inevitable trauma to the remarkable capacity for recovery that most of us possess.

What we too often label as PTSD might be a missed opportunity to respect the natural process of adapting to difficult situations. Bonanno, a leading expert in the field, draws on decades of groundbreaking research, balancing personal stories of resilience with cutting-edge findings from psychology and neuroscience. Through this lens, he explains what helps us bounce back, why some people struggle more than others, and how we can all better manage stress when life gets difficult.

Personally, as a university instructor and researcher in Educational Psychology and Neuroscience, I found this to be one I wish I could add to my students’ ever-expanding reading list. Many students enter psychology with the idea that they will label a struggle as a feature or trait of the individual that needs to be respected as if it is a permanent feature of who they are. And when I work with teachers, they often see trauma as a useful label to dismiss student capacity for learning. Both groups are well-meaning, trying to be compassionate but they miss the compassionate and hopeful point that Bonanno is making here. They are reflecting societies potential misunderstandings. Some degree of struggle is natural, and resilience is learned. Yes, there are still extreme situations, but what is often called PTSD or Trauma is often a stage in adapting. This perspective puts teachers and therapists in the supportive role of helping and scaffolding the learner during this developmentally important process. And it puts you in the driver’s seat of your own struggles.

One of the book’s most innovative contributions is the introduction of the flexibility sequence—a model that outlines the mental steps we take to navigate challenges. Flexibility, as Bonanno reveals, isn’t a fixed trait but a natural function of the human mind, one that needs exercise and practice like all skills. By understanding and harnessing this flexibility, we can better understand the roots of trauma and build greater resilience for the future.

Bonanno’s narrative is not just scientifically rigorous; it’s also deeply engaging, gripping your imagination with artful narrative while honoring the impeccable science of resilience. This makes The End of Trauma not only a valuable read for professionals in the field but also for anyone interested in understanding how they and those they support can overcome extraordinary challenges. It prepares you to build resilience with the potential opportunities that struggle presents. Ultimately, the book provides an optimistic, compassionate, and agentic framework for reexamining our approach to trauma, urging us to appreciate our own mind’s capacity for resilience and to use it to navigate life’s toughest moments. Understand, appreciate, build strategies, and prepare to grow.

From Stressed to Resilient by Deborah Gilboa
Erik Jahner, PhD
Erik Jahner, PhD

Our lives are filled with change and all change is stressful whether that change is good or bad. Whether stress takes a toll on our well-being or whether we use that stress to build resilience is determined partly by a set of skills that need to be practiced and refined. In From Stressed to Resilient: The Guide to Handle More and Feel it Less, Deborah Gilboa (Dr. G) has written an easy-to-follow workbook that enables the reader to build resilience.

The book is a dynamic, personalized instruction book for building and working on our resilience. It begins by putting forward a particular mindset toward stress: feelings of stress are our brains’ way of interpreting change; stress is an integral part of living and adapting. The goal of the book is not to reduce stress but to transform how we prepare for and react to feelings of stress, utilizing stress to make us strong. The early chapters help us understand the landscape of our own beliefs and reactions to stress and where some of the opportunities for social-emotional development are in our lives. The useful questionaries guide this process helping us determine what should be a priority when reading the book. But don’t take these questionaries as determinative of who you are. They take stock of you at the moment, so I found it useful to return to them regularly.

The remainder of the book is a series of exercises for which there is a useful set of accompanying PDFs and online resources. These subsequent eight sections target specific skills leading to resilience: building connections, setting boundaries, being open to change, managing discomfort, setting goals, finding options, taking action, and persevering. Each of these has multiple practices and avenues for development giving you ownership of your own growth.

For those of us that feel a sense of “just tell me what to do,” this book walks you through steps in an easy-to-follow way and the author’s humor and forthright analysis allow you to put all your energy into the necessary self-reflection the book invites. The process is deceptively simple but enables the reader to learn and grow in small measurable steps. This is not the type of book that you read cover to cover but you read it strategically, guided by the information in the early chapters but also by our changing life goals. I also often repeated the useful exercises as I saw fit and reread old responses to gain insight into my development. While some of the books I have reviewed here are research-heavy and academic theory-laden, this is truly a book for guided self-improvement.

I advise integrating the book somehow into your daily routine while you work through it. I found it useful to integrate the reflective exercises into my morning routine right after I woke. These positioned me well to frame learning from the previous day and reframe the stresses present in my mind when I woke. Each section also has some practices to follow throughout the day from questions to ask others in conversations to imagining contingency plans or rescheduling missed opportunities. These practices then can frame the day; small goals that bring awareness to daily work and personal practice. Overall, the book will help you live life a little more mindfully and with purpose.

But the book does not end with you. The book is entirely adaptable for a variety of contexts, and I could easily see these exercises being pulled out for classroom practice, college student self-reflection, and teacher professional development, I even found it fun to practice some of the exercises with friends and family. The fact that they are already in worksheet format also makes it easy to scale them up for more than one person.

This book is not an intellectually heavy lift, and thank goodness, because we don’t need to add more to our plate when we are trying to self-improve. The book is not an added challenge but facilitates the process of building a stronger more resilient version of yourself.

 

The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust by Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold
Rebecca Gotlieb
Rebecca Gotlieb

The famous, well-replicated “still-face experiment” involves an infant and parent seated facing each other. After a few minutes of play, the parent becomes completely unresponsive and shows a blank face. The infant tries an increasingly dramatic array of tricks to reanimate the parent while becoming more distressed. After a minute of participating in the experiment, the parent reengages, and parent and infant can synchronize once more. Not only did this experiment dramatically shift developmental psychologists’ understanding of infants’ agency in their social relationships, but also the research that built from this study over the last four decades offers insights into how each of us can build a strong sense of self and healthy relationships. In their new book, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust, Ed Tronick and Claudia M. Gold argue that discord in relationships is common and we build our sense of self, closeness with others, and ability to manage challenges when we embrace relationship mismatches, uncertainty, and the opportunity they present for growth. Tronick is the creator of the still-face experiment and University Distinguished Professor of Developmental and Brain Sciences at University of Massachusetts, Boston and Research Associate at Harvard Medical School. Gold is a pediatrician and author specializing in early childhood mental health and faculty at University of Massachusetts, Boston and at Boston Children’s Hospital. Although the still face experiment focuses on the infant-parent relationship, the paradigm and this book will be of interest to individuals seeking to improve a variety of different types of relationships as well as people who care for others who may have a history of unrepaired relationships.

People feel pressure to or expect to be in sync with relationship partners, but in reality, mismatch is the norm. The way that mismatch is repaired can nurture us and bring about a sense of pleasure, security, and trust. Parents and infants, for example, are out of sync about 70% of the time, but that mismatch is important for infants, and adults, to feel agentic, self-confident, and competent in managing challenges on independently and with the help of others. In this vein, Tronick and Gold echo previous calls that parents should trust their own instincts, remain calm and present, and be simply “good enough;” they should not strive for perfection, which undermines mental health and well-being.

We make meaning, in our bodies and minds, of moments of mismatch and repair with others and the interpretations we build of these experiences stay with us. Because of our parents’ roles in children’s early environment and meaning-making they act as “neuroarchitects,” changing how their children’s minds and brains are built and even how genes are expressed. When people cannot make coherent meaning of events or cannot construct a vision for a better future, it can threaten their sense of self, keep them stuck in a moment of hardship, and produce feelings of hopelessness. Even if an individual had insufficient experience with relational mismatch and repair in early life or experienced other early life stresses, they can learn to self-regulate as they co-regulate in the context of new relationships. Relationships are the best buffer against stress and trauma, way to heal from them, and the best booster of well-being generally.

To build productive interpretations of the messiness of relationships, people need to feel safe and accept that being out of sync is part of the process of connecting. Relationships are dynamic and each party has a responsibility in shaping the dynamic. Considering the other party’s perspective, remaining open and curious about the other person, listening to them and making them feel like they belong, being playful, and leaving room for uncertainty can support relationship health.

Although Tronick and Gold focus primarily on relationships between two individuals, principles from the still-face paradigm have implications for society more generally. Society needs to invest in social relationships, including but not limited to the parent-child relationship; our relationships are literally, biologically, life-sustaining. The differences between us can be our greatest strength if we allow ourselves to work through relational turbulence, accept that struggle is normal, and recover into better and stronger relationships. In this moment in time, with so much political divisiveness, and when we are quarantining at home and many of us are spending significant amounts of time with family, we could all benefit from heeding Tronick and Gold’s relationship advice.

Tronick, E. & Gold, C.M. (2020). The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust. Hachette Book Group.